April 17^th, 2024

        It was my first year of high school and I was sitting in Algebra 1. I noticed a ridiculously cute guy in the front row. He was a grade older, so I listened to others to learn his name. He must have noticed me too because about a week later he asked me out. I was only fourteen so I could not go on a date, but my parents said he could come over to our house since they would be there, and we could spend time together and watch a movie. We talked so easily and became an official couple that night.

        Everything was surprisingly good until about that 1-year mark of dating. It was at that time that he started to isolate me. He would get upset if I spent time together with my friends because other guys might be around and before I knew it, I hardly did anything with anyone but him. This was also the time in our relationship where we thought we were totally in love with each other.       

        Now everything started to change. I had to be so careful not to do anything to upset him. I am sorry became the most spoken words out of my mouth. The name calling and put downs became a daily occurrence and it was not long until he started hitting me in the arms or kicking me in the legs if I did something to make him mad. I tried to break up with him so many times even though I loved him, but every time he would threaten me by telling me he would tell my parents and everyone else as school horrible things about me and everyone would believe him and hate me. I felt so alone.

        You would think school would be a reprieve for me, but it was not, everyone at school, including teachers, were afraid of him. He was a bully. He would hit me daily, sometimes multiple times a day at school. I would see people watching and no one did a thing   My algebra two teachers’ classroom was across from my locker and she saw him punch me in the arm and shoved me into my locker too many times to count. When I made eye contact with her, she would look away.

        I remember one time it had got so bad at his parents’ house, they weren’t home that he had be believing everything was my fault and I remember feeling so bad about myself and so “crazy” in the head that I started scratching my wrist as hard as I could to cause myself pain because he had be believing I deserved it.   It was that night I had the first real thought of killing myself. I thought “I am never going to get away from him, this will be my life forever. I thought to myself, I should just drive as fast as I can and drive off the road and make it look like an accident. I was scared though that I might not die, and I would be paralyzed instead    I also did not want to hurt my family, so I did not. I thank God every day that he never left my side and kept me from ending my life that night.   It was not long before I started hitting him back, praying he would hit me in the face, so someone would see, so someone would tell, but no one did tell, and they never did.

Blessed > Deserved

Cheri